Scribbly scraggly

It all began with a modern-enough offering – the bulk-sms package on my cell-phone which ends soon, on Saturday. I didn’t want to leave close to a hundred sms-es unused. So I sent a characteristic ‘Hi’ to four friends, all of who have been in my life for longer than eight years. And for the record, I am 26-and-close-to-another-month old myself. Two responded instantly. They were two highly normal people, boys and gentlemen in the simplest sense. They were nice and then bade me goodnight; inspite of my acting rather whimsically with them after 11 PM. These are guys I can count on, for reasonable to not-so-reasonable things. A girlfriend responded too after a while. These are people who remind me of parts of myself. While all this was happening, I was rummaging my phonebook for more victims. Obviously my sms package does not cover international sms, so I had to leave my best friend be. The one guy who responded not at all, well, not much lost. What came home to me was how few peo

I thought I . . . It’s bad manners to talk so much about yourself! And yet, there they are . . two ‘I’s in one phrase, well, something that can barely be called a phrase. The thing is, I assumed that I was eloquent and passionate, to boot. Passionate I very well might be, but I expected to be able to say what it was about. And yet, when I turn to type, I hear myself gurgling someone else’s lines, some poetry I’d read as a kid. And strangely enough, it’s comforting, to know that I have some beautiful thoughts to fall back on. Then it gets frustrating; that I cannot say enough, particularly when material is hardly lacking. I want to be able to say what I feel, to put it into words. People who want to read between the lines, be sure to read me right. I’ve impulses, thoughts, plans. I am bewildered by the beauty around me, and feel inadequate if I can’t tell you how beautiful it all is. I try too hard, I am too hard on myself and others, I need to take a break

I like it classic. I like it fun, fab and romantic. Adjectives? Yes, from the grammar geek’s point of view. What I am trying to drive home here, is how we like to qualify stuff. I didn’t quite understand when my professor said “We judge continually. Sometimes we’re so busy judging, that we arrive at deductions and conclusions, while barely taking note of what’s actually happening.” It’s like being on a fast ride – too much has gone by unnoticed while you are busy qualifying things, putting a label on each. We’re continually called upon to assess, to give an opinion and it soon becomes a habit. And face it - it is one job less if you’ve already put a label on somebody or something. Therefore, you’re in a hurry to label, and libel, if necessary. No, let’s not talk about people who ask for opinions about something but do not actually want to hear what’s wrong with it. Leaping into the realm of insecurity and realism is a no-no for now, when I am myself slipping into causticity and despond